Introducing a new person into your life

When I met Date #4, I wasn’t looking for anything serious. I was simply mixing a little business with pleasure when my online dating research yielded a surprising result – a dateable, attractive man with whom I was compatible. My life was run at a hectic, but efficient and highly effective pace. There simply wasn’t a whole lot of room. I liked it that way.

Things started slowly. I told him I wasn’t looking for anything serious, that I was, ahem, very busy and important. No time for a relationship, not looking for that sort of thing. He said he understood, respected my priorities, etc.

Then I fell in love with him.

The “serious” thing needed revising, obviously. As two people are apt to do when they find they enjoy one another’s company, we spent a lot of time together. 

A lot.

I stopped running. I stopped blogging as regularly. I stopped doing laundry and grocery shopping. I was deep in Cloud Cuckoo Land, as I like to call it. That place where newly formed couples spend way too long looking into each other’s eyes, sleeping really late on weekends, and having lots and lots of hot monkey sex. 

As much as I knew this was going to happen, I couldn’t stop it. Perhaps I didn’t want to stop it. What the hell? Falling in love is fantastic. Why skip all the fun stuff and move straight into routine? 

Incorporating Date #4 into my life isn’t the same as making a new friend or having a relative move into town. This is someone that I hope to have a meaningful relationship with. Anyone who has been in a relationship for a period of time knows that it takes time to get to know someone. I liked Date #4 and I wanted to learn about him – that takes time. Granted, you can take your time getting to know someone, but I tend to be an extremist with a “good” button instead of an “easy” button. If it makes me feel good or happy, I’ll slam that damn button till it’s broke. Luckily, I didn’t do that here.

Armed with a little bit of knowledge of myself and my habits, I tried to resist Cloud Cuckoo Land, but it was simply too alluring. GIWS and I had managed to see each other only once a week, twice tops, throughout the few months we dated. I tried to do this again, but to no avail.

When I got sick (again), my frustration reared its head. I had gained 5 lbs. I was completely out of racing shape. I’d been eating entire meals out of the vending machines at work. Thanks to my fourth sinus infection this year, I was waylaid and unable to stay awake long enough to do anything other than go to work. I reached my breaking point when my libido disappeared. WTF?!

A week later, I got better and I got some perspective. Date #4 and I have been together for only two months. I realized that I could maintain my old schedule and kick him out of my life or I could find a new routine. That period of everything going to hell was just a slash-and-burn method of prepping the soil for a new life. One that involves the man that I love and all the activities I love.

What I ended up having to do was first explain to him what was going on in my head. He understood and didn’t take it personally at all, which was essential for me to feel comfortable moving forward. I explained to him that there are a lot of things I enjoy doing that I haven’t been doing lately, and that I need a routine or schedule in order to make it all fit into my life.

I looked at my schedule, needs and priorities. I looked at his schedule, needs and priorities. He has two dogs, so he can’t stay over too often. I live out of the way of my work and his house, so I have to bring all my stuff for work if I’m staying over. It made more sense to do all that if I were staying two nights in a row. For both of our sanity and respect of personal space, I decided two nights apart would be good for us. Thus, a schedule emerged. I would stay with him Wednesdays and Thursdays, and he would stay with me on Tuesdays and Fridays. Sundays and Mondays we had off, and Saturdays I left to whim (even I don’t try to plan everything).

I make sure to bring my running shoes to his place and try to take the dogs out with me. I also run on the evenings we’re not seeing each other. The beginning of the week can be overwhelming for me, so that’s why I picked those two days to spend apart. It gives me the time to work on my blog, get my clothes ready for the week, and to generally spend time with myself, which I think is important in any relationship.

Once I identified the problem and communicated that to him, I was able to then ask, what now? How can I have both – him and my old life? Planning the nights was a great first step. It allows me to plan what will need to happen and when. The other stuff is simply up to me. Once I finished the relay marathon I had spent months training for in May, I had a hard time staying motivated, so I signed up for a race on July 4 and started looking for more to keep me running.

Maybe this is easy for some people to figure out, but I was really happy being single. My life was happy and whole when I met Date #4, so much in fact that if it weren’t for my sister’s sage advice to not let opportunities pass me by, I probably wouldn’t have made the leap.

I’m glad that I did, but that period of transition can be tough. I think it’s important to be honest with yourself, to communicate your frustration without laying any blame, and to get into the solution. Dwelling in the problem while I was sick yielded nothing but a depressing blog post (sorry!). Once I decided to try a solution, I was already feeling like my old self and it didn’t take long to get back on track.

Oh, and my libido came back. Thank god.

[Photo credit: Evan Romine]

When "Relaxation" Becomes Plain Lazy

I’m staring back at my reflection wearily. I’ve just finished washing my face for bed when I realize why I’m so tired of looking at myself in the mirror every night. It smacks me it comes back so suddenly. This is what you looked like before you got a grip, I remember.

There’s a lack of color here. There’s been a lack of color since… since… when did it fade? Somewhere around falling in love and completing my relay marathon only a month ago. I used that week after the race to “reward myself.” I let myself eat poorly and slack off on my training… way off. As in, didn’t do it all.

That week has yawned into a month.

I can feel the little roll at tummy when I slump in my bad posture. It isn’t just that my face has lost color and that I have probably put on two or three pounds. I haven’t been sleeping enough, not what I call a healthful amount. I haven’t been going to enough meetings and I can feel that my spiritual well-being is affected. I’ve been eating entire meals out of the vending machine at work.

This isn’t the dark cloud of grief that rolled overhead back at the beginning of April. This is laziness. Knowing how to pick myself up and not being willing to do the work to bring that about. In my 12-step program, we say that when the pain is enough, we will act.

Luckily my threshold for pain has become amazingly low. Tonight, one glance in the mirror does the trick. I’m tired of being lazy, I assert to my innermost self. This sucks. Let’s quit this shit and get on with the rest of it.

I could go on and on as to why this has happened – work has been slow and uninspiring, a new relationship needs attention, there are things to do besides train for races that are months away. Excuses. Excuses I’ve been willing to make and accept because I am lazy and unmotivated. So here I am. Out of racing shape, pallid faced with an upset stomach and three pounds heavier. I’ve even been reduced to participating in pointless blog commenting, something I usually have enough serenity to not get involved in.

This one is all on me. I’ve written before about accountability partners and the wonders they can work for helping you to stay motivated. That’s fine and well, unless you stop calling them… especially when you want to avoid being, er… accountable.

In the past I could spend an entire blog post on how I’m going to pull my shit together, exactly what I’ll do and in what order to get things back on track, reassure you the reader that I am indeed doing it. And then promptly sit on my ass for two more weeks before I finally follow through. I won’t do that here. I’m not sure when my motivation will come back to me or when exactly I’ll decide that it’s been enough.

I think I just did though.

Forget Relaxation - Take A Bliss Break

It’s been suggested that I’m wound a *little* tight. I’ll be the first to admit that I have problems relaxing. I tend to be sort of a black-or-white, stop-or-go kind of person, at least when it comes to my work and myself. For the past five months or so, I haven’t been able to let go of this tension. I’ve sort of had this feeling that I need it to keep going, that somehow relaxing would cause me to lose my momentum. 

On the other hand, I know that I need to relax every now and then; otherwise I won’t be as productive as I could be. And so it has been with this in mind – increased productivity – that I have set about trying to “relax.” Like any good workaholic, I schedule a break. I cordon off a largish chunk of the day and I say this is where I will relax. 

It never works. For some reason all I can think is something along the lines of “Hurry up and relax so we can get revitalized and work better!” It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that not a lot of relaxing gets done this way. And yet, bull-headed and not really knowing any other way of doing it, I keep trying the same thing expecting different results.

So when Date #4 asked if I would like to steal away to his property in the Hill Country for the weekend, I said yes without a second thought. I wondered if it were possible that I could actually unwind finally. Would I be able to release the tension I’d been holding so tightly to me for the past five months?

I won’t lie: I brought my laptop with me and double-checked with D#4 that there would indeed be Internet access. And bless his heart, he let me bring it, warning me that I wouldn’t want it once I got there.

Indeed, as we drove onto smaller-still roads that turned to gravel, I thought two things: one, is he gonna kill me out here; and two, you’d have to get me this far away from things to quiet my mind. I am pleased to report that the majority of the weekend was spent in sleep (10 hours every night for three nights), in bed (ahem), reading fiction (fiction?!), talking, or hiking and swimming.

The weekend was in a word blissful. (Merriam-Webster defines bliss as "complete happiness.") I had let go of every thought of work, this blog, my company… I wasn’t consciously attempting to relax. I had sort of given up on the idea. I finally let go of the part of myself that felt guilty or anxious for indulging in day-long pajama-wearing or 48 hours without e-mail (gasp!).

I came back to work refreshed and ready to tackle a lot of projects I’d been putting off. I was much more focused than I had been (that might have had something to do with all of the sleep I got), and my mind was swirling with new business ideas. And, of course, this post.

What is the most blissful thing you could do for yourself? Maybe it’s as simple as a pedicure, calling in a sick day to go surf, or spending 48 hours in the country. Try to make it happen this weekend. See how much more productive you are on Monday.

A Simple Productivity Method That Yields Results

In just six months, I have managed to achieve a lot of things in my life, major changes that probably should have taken years to accomplish. Here are just a few: I started a small business that is likely to support me entirely within the next six months, created a blog that is syndicated to two other sites and hit 3,000 unique visitors within two months of founding, lost 20 lbs, reduced my debt and was nominated employee of the month at my company.

A lot of people ask me how I do it; how do I keep up with it all? After all, a full-time job, a part-time job, a company to run and an advice site to publish take up a lot of time and energy.

I will share with you my simple productivity method. I say that it is simple, because it is. However, it is not easy. There is a vast difference. I guarantee that using this method will change your life if employed daily.

Put one foot in front of the other. Take one step at time.

Perhaps I should elaborate. See, first you take a step. If your goal is to start your own business, that step might be to obtain a tax ID as a sole proprietor. If your goal is to lose weight, you switch out your breakfast burrito with an apple and a smoothie. If your goal is to start a website, you purchase the domain and hosting.

Then, you ask yourself, what’s the next step? Then you take it.

You write a business plan. You start running every other day. You sketch ideas for your website homepage.

Rinse. Repeat.

Everyday, you wake up and you ask yourself, what’s the next step? Then you take it.

What’s the catch? There’s no catch. You just have to really want it. There’s no half-ass way to obtain anything worth having. You just wake up and you start doing. You don’t make excuses; you don’t spend a lot of time wondering what the first step is. Don’t worry if you jump into the middle first – you’ll find your way to the beginning quickly.

This is how I started my business, launched my website, became great at my job, got into racing shape, and began dating again. I haven’t done it perfectly, but luckily no one is grading me. And if I had waited to do it perfectly, it wouldn’t have gotten done.

The most important thing is to make sure that your Why is strong enough. Why do you want to start a business, lose weight or start a website? If your reasons are flimsy, your results will be too. If you want to start a business because your buddy is, that’s not a good reason. But if you want to start a business because you believe you have a great product or service the world needs, then that’s something to hold on to. If you want to lose weight because your boyfriend or girlfriend said you were fat, you’ll probably stay the same. But if you want to lose weight because you’ve decided it’s high time you got healthy, then you’ll probably make it.

The reason your Why needs to be strong is because there will be days when your resolve will fail you, when you wake up and say, f*ck the next step, let’s sleep in. You have to keep going, one foot in front of the other.

Some days you may feel like it’s too much, there’s too much to do, too many steps before you get where you want to be. That’s OK. You just have to take one step. Not two, not tomorrow or in a month, but one step today.

One day, you’ll look up and you’ll be amazed at how far you’ve come. One step at a time.

Optimize Your Space for Maximum Productivity – And Happiness

I made a big move this weekend, in the physical sense, as well as less literally. I moved to a new apartment in a new part of town, and it’s as if I’ve officially started a new phase in my life.

I don’t know if it’s my age, or the situation I found myself in, but I never really could find an apartment that I liked and that I could also afford. Plus, I was living with someone, so compromises had to be made (this place was closer to his work, that place was cheap enough for our budget, etc.). When we split, I had to find a place quick. The place I took was too expensive for my budget, so I downgraded severely as I tried to reign in my spending and get back on my feet financially after losing my job, my car, my dual income living situation and getting sober.

It took me a year. Soon after I celebrated my one-year anniversary last month, I signed a one-year lease on a condo on North Padre Island (the beach!). The past two weeks have been downright unbearable as I waited and waited for moving day to come. And tonight, going back to the old apartment I had come to disdain so much to do the final cleaning, time crept so slowly I thought it would stand still. Finally, I drove off, and immediately called a friend to announce I was leaving the old apartment for the last time. Hallelujah!

I guess the point I’m trying to make in a roundabout way is how our surroundings affect us. I took my previous apartment because it was cheap. That was the only reason. I figured for the price I could stand just about anything. Not so. I grew to dislike it so much that I never wanted to be there. Even when I needed to do work or read, I would go somewhere else to do it. I’m not sure exactly what it was – it could’ve been the grey carpet, or the circa-1978 fixtures, or the unrespectable neighbors. It could’ve been merely what it represented to me – a time in my life where frugality was the biggest necessity, an era of character-building hardship.

Even only half-way unpacked, I love spending time in my new home so much, I look forward to returning to it all day, unlike my previous apartment, which I dreaded going home to. For the first time in my life, everything seems like it belongs. The furniture belongs, the paintings belong, and the towels match. I belong. I guess it feels like my space, my own home. It’s a wonderful feeling.

As I move my company into a new area – office optimization – how your space affects you is something that I will be focusing on. Certain colors soothe (blue), while others energize (orange). There is an optimal set-up to achieve maximum productivity in every space. As I move into my new apartment, I’m trying to achieve this with my own space.

It’s about more than just achieving maximum productivity though. It’s about being able to enjoy the space that you’re working in. One of the coolest office set-ups I’ve ever seen is at Pixar, and Microsoft Research has some pretty cool ones too. My offices at work are painted in two shades of green – bright grass green and cool pastel green. It’s energizing and somehow always makes it feel fresh in there.

The best offices, in my opinion, are wireless and paperless. Why not set up Wi-Fi and give everybody laptops? Make spaces that go beyond traditional cubicles and desks. I had the opportunity to redesign a previous company’s space, and that was exactly what I lobbied for. Instead of desks, there were tables and comfortable sofa chairs. Instead of a separate office for every employee, the rooms were separated by function. There was a meeting room, a brainstorming room, a library/”quiet” room, a multimedia room, and a break room. Each one had a different tone to match its function. The brainstorming room was looser, had brighter colors and rearrangable furniture. The library had bean bags and sofas and dimmer lights to suggest quiet; the multimedia room had large glass tables for projects and plenty of direct light.

When your environment is inviting, it will be hard to get people to leave it, kind of like my new apartment and me. When the environment is functional, things will get done. When the environment is optimized, things will get done faster. Faster, productive employees who want to be at the office? Sounds good to me.

Check out real people's cool home offices [hat tip: Lifehacker.com].

Prepare to Stay Ahead

There has been some major backsliding going on in my life the past three or four weeks. Let’s just say some slacking has occurred… it’s like cancer. It started in one area of my life and spread quickly to the others. Part of this can be blamed on tragedy and illness, but that crutch has gotten old. It’s time to throw out the excuses and get things back on track now.

Sleep
I used to be the Queen of Good Rest. I always slept well and for the optimal time. I guarded my sleep schedule like it was Fort Knox. I defended it and nurtured it. It’s as if I’ve spent the past month beating the shit out of it and calling it a Bad Kid. It hates me now and acts like an angry toddler. When I do give myself the time to get a good night’s rest, I have problems either falling asleep or staying asleep. When I wake up, I don’t feel refreshed. I feel more tired. Last night I slept for 9 hours to make up for the 5 ½ hour sleep cycles I’ve been doing. I feel less awake. People even say I look tired. I need to get back on a schedule. I’m sure it has to do with the fact that it’s been erratic.

Diet
I’ve lost three more pounds. Most women would be excited by this. I am not. This has nothing to do with healthy weight loss – I’m not eating right. And I’m running distance. As a distance runner, weight loss is your enemy (after a certain point anyways). I am usually vigilant about my diet – 6 or 7 small, regimented meals per day. I make sure I eat enough protein, iron, dairy and good carbs. Lately, I’ve been skipping meals, not really eating anything healthy, etc. I can feel how awful it is for me. Eating well takes time. You need to get to the grocery regularly for fresh produce and plan your meals ahead if you have a jam-packed day like I do.

Running/exercise
I run four days a week like it’s my religion. Since everything happened last month, I have seriously slacked. It’s Thursday and I haven’t run at all this week. Now, this is serious business. I have a 5K and a relay marathon to run in May. I’m not where I need to be. Aside from that, running is my release. I feel energized and empowered when I’m done with a good run. I particularly enjoy the time I spend outside doing it. It’s relaxing. Skimping on this area of my life does exponential harm to me; it kills my relaxation and my health.

Budget
Ugh. To be fair, I’ve lost 18 pounds since I got sober. The first five came off right away (I was a beer drinker – muy fattening). The rest I lost in the past 5 months or so through the combination of a healthy diet and running. So, I’m down a few sizes in almost everything, especially work clothes. That’s where I’m blowing my money. I’m close to overdrafting my bank account, and that is a place I really hate to be.

General cleanliness
Please step away from the apartment, miss. Really, things are pretty messy on the home front. I’m never in my apartment and since I am moving next weekend, I decided not to worry about doing much until then. Really, all I’ve done is create more work for myself when I start packing. The car is in pretty bad shape too – a cleaning inside and out is definitely in order.

Tardiness
Running around at break-neck speed has caused me to forget just about everything. (Hello? I brought my running clothes, but left my sneakers. Is anyone home?) I am sleeping as late as I can, and thus making it to work perpetually 15 minutes late, which causes me to leave 15 minutes late, throwing my entire schedule into chaos. That does not look good to the boss either. And, let’s face it, tardiness is tacky.

The Solution
The best people in my life always tell me to get out of the problem and into the solution. Having defined the problem, I know how to tackle it. One of my major problems has been budgeting time for preparation. Most of the things above can be eliminated if I will simply slow down and take the time to prepare for them.

I need to prepare my food for the next day. I need to get my bag of running gear together the night before. I have to take the time to sit down with monthly bills twice a month and look at how much I can afford to spend on clothes, etc. I need to spend just 10 little minutes cleaning up when I get home instead of falling onto the couch with the laptop for an hour. And finally, I need to guard my sleep schedule like it was the Most Precious and Dear Thing on the Earth again.

Your #1 Productivity Killer - Sickness

Meetings, e-mail alerts, busy work… these are the most frequently addressed productivity killers. I have read books and found work-arounds for all of them. What I can’t get around, what kills my productivity more than any form of corporate red tape is getting sick. Ironically, this seems to be the one productivity killer I can’t find a book on. Americans seem bound and determined to a.) not take care of themselves, and then b.) attempt to keep working, thereby dragging out their illness and spreading it around. This exponentially decreases productivity.

Two weeks ago, I got a sinus infection. This is a fairly common occurrence for me, given my allergies. What I should’ve done was take a break, get some decent sleep, watch my diet, hydrate more than usual, and get some good sleep. What I did instead was continue a ridiculously busy schedule and pay no attention to any of the afore-mentioned factors. Each day my sinus infection was compounded by the loss of sleep it brought. With no time in my schedule to make it up, I was blessed with a raging case of laryngitis.

Because I wouldn’t take two or three days to run at a slower-than-usual pace, I lost a good two weeks of productivity. I ran at my bare minimum, calling into work twice because of how sick I was. When I was at work, I was unfocused, tired and probably spreading some major germ action. My appearance was tired, messy and unkempt. My ‘give a crap’ was busted. I lost my voice for two or three days entirely, and only recently got my voice back (I’ve been borrowing Kathleen Turner’s voice for the past 10 days).

I took a few lessons away from this. These are pretty basic, but it’s amazing how glaring they can become when you’re completely wiped out for a few weeks.

Heed the Warning Signs
Given that I attended two funerals for people I cared about very much within one week of the other, I should’ve taken some steps to guard against illness. The mind-body connection is amazingly strong, and stress can and will take you down with the ship. When your life gets stressful, treat yourself better than usual. I’m not talking about an extra glass of wine; I mean you should take it easy on yourself. Get rid of the things in your schedule that aren’t essential and crucial and get some rest.

Watch Your Diet
What you eat is the fuel that you provide your body to keep you going. Treat your body like a Porsche. Are you going to put regular gas in that bad boy? I didn’t think so. You’re going premium all the way. It ought to be the same way with your diet, especially when you’re sick. Think about what’s going to help you get better and make a conscious effort to supplement your diet with the things you’ll need to ward off prolonged illness. Get some protein, eat dark green veggies, and for heaven’s sake, eat some oranges. The worst thing you can do is stop eating. You give your body nothing to use as defense and it will only get worse.

Hit the Hay
Your body is going to need more time to recharge than usual. If you are used to sleeping 6-7 hours every night, you’re going to have to make time to get more in order to get well. I also find naps help me get better faster. When I’m not feeling well, I’ll get home from work and snooze for a good 90 minutes. I find this is long enough to be effective and short enough to not ruin my regular bedtime.

Get a Little Exercise
Don’t go running any 10Ks, but do a little bit of exercise if you are physically able when you feel something coming on or are coming out of being sick. Some exertion will boost your immune system and help you feel well faster. Don’t take up anything new while you're sick; just do whatever you usually do at about half the time or pace. For me, this has taken the form of a light jog because I am already a regular runner. If I can exercise when I feel something coming on, it usually wards it off. When I do get sick, then as soon as I get over the hump I try to do a little something to boost my immune system again.

Cut Yourself Some Slack
Highly motivated people are usually their own worst critics. Beating yourself up mentally when you’re sick is counterproductive (as a matter of fact, it’s usually counterproductive, but that’s another post). Take this time to go easy on yourself. Again, that mind-body connection is strong and it is real. Stressing yourself out is going to make you sicker, longer.

Young, Professional, Alcoholic

I’m an alcoholic. Seriously. I am a 26-year-old, middle-class, young professional… alcoholic.

I’d debated whether or not to publish this, but it’s a big part of who I am and how I got where I am today. I’m lucky. Most people don’t figure it out at my age. Most people take 20 years to ruin their lives. I took just four.

What It Used to Be Like
I was 14 the first time I drank. I didn’t get drunk, not because I didn’t want to, but because I couldn’t. There wasn’t any more Kahlua. A few months later at a friend’s house party, I did not have that problem. I got tanked. And it was glorious. I think. I don’t really remember. I do know I was in an awful lot of trouble when my mom picked me up and I puked out of her car window. The hangover was fierce, and my parents felt like that was punishment enough. That and the whole summer grounded.

I never really drank normally I guess. I always liked getting drunk. What was the point of a drink or two? That just built a nice base to work off of, a starting point really, a warm up. I used to joke that when I drank it was both a sprint and a marathon – get drunk fast and stay drunk longest. I could drink any guy under the table. The truth was most people gave up long before me and I was the one who ended up under the table.

In January 2007, barely 25 years old, I went into the doctor and found out that I had drank so hard the night before that both my kidneys were infected, so much so that my doctor said if I had waited a few more hours she would have me in the ER on IV fluids. This did not set off any bells in my head, nor in my doctor’s since I told her that I consumed 5-to-7 drinks per week. No reason to alarm anyone, after all.

There was nothing strange about my drinking to me, and there was nothing strange about the lying I did to cover it up either. I really didn’t think about it. There were always lots of people around me. I didn’t drink alone or everyday, and I didn’t live under a bridge. I was just a 25 year old, going to bars with my friends. So what if I drank a lot? It’s not a crime. It’s what I like to do. Who doesn’t?

What Happened
‘I’m not going to drink,’ I told myself that morning. ‘I don’t want to leave Pensacola and my dad drinking like they do.’ I couldn’t stop myself though. ‘What’s a beer before I get on the plane?’ I rationalized. Deathly afraid of flying, I have two beers and two pills on the plane. That ought to calm the nerves.

It didn’t. It wasn’t working anymore. I had just started using the pill-and-drink combo to make both work a little better, a little faster, but it wasn’t working at all. I was still scared, scared as all hell. The burly flight attendant asks me if I’m OK. My eyes fill with tears and I order another beer.

By the time I land home I’m in a blackout. I don’t remember much, but I do know that I convinced my ride from the airport to go out to a bar at 4 pm instead of home to my boyfriend whom I hadn’t seen in a week. She never even knew I was drunk. That’s how good (or bad) I’d gotten. People usually couldn’t tell I was drunk, and I’d be in a blackout.

When I get home around 9 pm (for those who are keeping track, I’ve been drinking for 10 hours at this point, not uncommon for vacations), the lights are low and the TV’s off. My boyfriend of four years is sitting on the couch quietly, resolvedly. Jig’s up, I think. He says simply, I’m not doing this anymore. We talk calmly; this was coming, after all. I don’t remember much of it.

I wake up with blinding light streaming through the windows. I have the usual what-did-I-do-last-night greeting from my guilty conscience. It floods back with a wave of nausea. I hit my car on a concrete wall before I drove home. We broke up. I have to move out.

I stare at the ceiling. “My own personal rock bottom,” I say out loud to the ceiling. I know where I’m going.

You see, no one wanted me to be an alcoholic. For the past year, it had been pretty bad. “Do you think I’m an alcoholic?” I would ask my friends, boyfriend, family members. “No, you just need to learn how to have one or two,” they all said. I would try to explain to them that I wasn’t sure I could do that or would want to do that. I tried to tell them it was like a light switch without an off option. Once it was on, it was on. No one understood.

What It’s Like Now
That morning was April 11, 2007. I haven’t had a drink of alcohol or any drugs since. I found a 12-step program and was in a meeting by noon that day. The people I found there were essential to my recovery. I have no doubt that it was they and that program that saved my life, and continue to save it on a daily basis.

It wasn’t easy. There were days I didn’t feel like I could make it. There were days where I wanted to kill myself, where I wanted to lay in bed and never get out, days I thought would never end. There were the memories of terrible actions I thought I’d never live down, and relationships I thought I would never be able to mend. I’ve done both.

I lost my job 10 days into recovery. Two hours later, my car exploded in an irreparable fashion. I had moved out of our townhouse. My boyfriend and I were no longer speaking and I was alone.

Six weeks later I had a new job, a new car, more friends than I could shake a stick at, and a new relationship (uh, not a good idea by the way… but that’s a different story).

I have learned a lifetime’s worth of lessons in the past year or so. I look back at where I was then and I marvel at where I am today. I believe it was grace that allowed me to have that moment of clarity on the morning of April 11, 2007. Nothing was more obvious to me that morning than the fact that I had a problem and needed more help than I knew how to get.

Today, I have a job that pays slightly more than the one I had then. I work at a café part-time for the pleasure of it and to learn the trade I hope to one day make a dream-come-true – owning my own café. I have started two small companies, one of which earns me a decent profit. I am well on my way to owning my own home later this year. I have begun to repair my credit and repay my debt. I love being single and have had the opportunity to date a (small) handful of amazing men. I have the best friends in the whole world, and I am told that I am a much better friend today. I would never have dared to dream this big in my drinking days. I would never have cared if I were an honest-to-god good friend. I do today.

I am a better person for being an alcoholic. My mom once told me that having my sister at age 17 saved her life. I couldn’t really understand what she meant until I admitted to my alcoholism in a room full of people. I wonder if I would be the person I am or would have accomplished the things I have if it weren’t for that life-altering admission. I think we both know the answer to that one.

From Derailed to Steaming Ahead

Through a combination of events, some of them brought on by my own self and some of them acts of god, my life has completely and totally derailed in the past week. I mean, we're talking wrapped-around-a-garbage-can, laying-on-the-floor, we-might-need-to-go-the-emergency-room derailed. Part of this was shock from the loss of my friend, but part of it was also that I was simply pushing myself way too hard.

The Problem
My philosophy in life is to get out of the problem and into the solution. With the funeral behind me this morning and a still-full schedule ahead of me, I made an internal decision to get with the program today. After all, the apartment is unbelievably gross right now, laundry is unwashed, food spoiling in the fridge... it's all I could do to wake up and zombie-walk myself to where I'm supposed to be at any given hour this past week. But into the solution, right?

If you've got a full schedule and you're derailed, how do you get back on track? It can be difficult when you run a tight schedule to catch up on the things you missed and keep up the pace you're used to operating at. After all, you've pretty much just been bombed. Now that the shock has worn off, you have time to survey the debris.

The Solution
So, that's where I start. The apartment needs to be cleaned, the laundry done, the dishes put away and the fridge cleaned out and restocked (oh yeah, we've forgotten to eat haven't we?). The car needs the oil changed and the tires rotated. I need two new pairs of jeans and new running shoes. Oh crap, I forgot to pay the electric. Clearly, this is going to take a few hours. I don't have a few hours. I don't have a half-hour, for crying out loud. 

I wish I could say I had a magical solution, some brilliant piece of wisdom you'd never in a million years think of. But I don't. And that's unfortunate for both of us. Because my answer is to take half of Friday, the day I was supposed to be in Austin for South by Southwest with my best friend from NYC who I haven't seen in a year, and get all this crap done. It sucks, but that's all there is to it. 

'Be Excellent to Each Another'
Oh, the wisdom of Bill and Ted... The fact of the matter is I can't get back on track after something like this without taking the time to be good to myself. I've been treating my body like crap this week. I haven't eaten right; I haven't jogged, done yoga or slept. I am in debt. I cannot simply go back to cash; I have to pay off my deficit first or my body's interest will compound. And bad health debt has a high rate - 20% at least. It doesn't take long for it to get out of control.

Buddhists say the definition of suffering is the desire to be anywhere other than where you are. I wish this hadn't happened, I wish my little life hadn't been bombed, but it has. Now it's time to pick up the pieces, rebuild and move forward. Hopefully, life will balance out again soon. It's just going to take some patience with myself and a little time to be good to myself again.

Survey. Respond. Rebuild.

On Traveling Well

I am an ambitious person. At certain points in my life, even certain points in my day, I would say it is my defining characteristic. Ambition is a delicate dance, at least for me. I have a lot of things I want to accomplish and I tend to charge at them full-speed, burning the candle at both ends. This is how I love to live.

This is my life:

• Monday through Friday I work at my main job as a market research analyst from 8-5pm. 
  
• Saturday and Sunday I work a part-time job as a baker from 8-3pm.
• I jog for half-an-hour four times a week.
• I try to post three or four times a week on this blog on weeknights when I get home from my jog.
  
• On Wednesday I meet with my entrepreneurship group from 5:30-7pm.
  
• I’m about to begin IT freelance work one or two nights a week.
  
• I actually attempt to date and have a social life somewhere in this.

So, now you might imagine a frazzled, gnarly-looking woman running around trying to get all this stuff done. OK, yes, sometimes I am her. But most of the time I’m not. Time management is not my problem. Being present in my life is my problem.

Being so goal-driven and ambitious can turn even the most balanced person into someone who lives in and for the future. This is exactly the kind of person I don’t want to be. It might sound trite but living in the moment really is about taking the time to notice the little things around you.

For example, I make a point to jog in what must be the most gorgeous and inspiring scenic area in my town. Every time I hit a certain hill and look over the cliffs down to the ocean, I smile and realize how great it is to be exactly where I am right then - that the weather is nice, that the ocean smells salty, that I have the ability to run, that I have the life I always wanted but never went after. That’s being present.

I am not always present in my life. Sometimes I hit that same hill and I’m calculating how much more that raise got me per month and whether it would be better to put it toward my car payment, credit card payment or into savings. I try to calculate the percentages. I think about what I have to do when I get home. I am not being at that moment; I am a “being-for-the-future.”

At the end of the days when I don’t live in the moment, I realize that no one point in the day sticks out to me. I know somehow that I won’t remember this day in a few years, or even a few weeks or days. It was just another day in a series of days in this period of my life. I don’t like that feeling. I don’t want to waste my days.

It may seem morose, but I try to keep myself in touch with my mortality. I try to be the best version of myself in my everyday interactions with others, toward myself, in my personal and professional relationships. I fall short most days. Most days I don’t want to remember that today is all I have.

Make plans for the future. Work your ass off to get to your goals, but enjoy the process. Be present in your life. Blow off studying for a great conversation with a friend. That conversation may be the one that gets you where you need to be. I believe that the little things in life are what create the biggest changes, like the butterfly flapping its wings causes a tidal wave halfway around the world.

Buddha said, “It is better to travel well than it is to arrive.” I don’t want to get to where I plan to be in 10 years and say, “OK, now my life can begin.” All you have is today. Decide what kind of person you want to be in the world and be that person just for today. 

Who do you want to be today?

How I change my habits

Thanks to a recent article circulating some of my favorite blogs, I found this article on quitting caffeine through LifeHacker.com.

I am drinking tea right now. At 9 a.m. Those of you who know me at all know this is something of a feat in itself. I guess we'll see who the real friends are around Saturday, when the caffeine withdraws get ugly.

Honestly, though, this is exactly what happened when I decided I wanted to start eating healthier. One day I woke up and I simply didn't feel like putting crap in my body anymore. This morning I woke up and I was tired and I wanted to feel energized, not caffeinated. When I walked into the office kitchen I glanced at the coffee pot, and without a second thought, I headed to the hot water instead.

This is how it's worked for me lately when I decide I want something in my life to change. I start to think about it as an option. Then, I try to force myself to do it and fail a few times. I typically take on a "screw it" attitude and gorge myself on something I'm trying to quit or totally ignore something I want to do. It doesn't take long before I come full-circle with conviction to just do whatever it is without really thinking about it. This is how it's been when I quit drinking, started eating healthier, took up running, and decided to launch a business.

Think it, try it, fail, screw it, succeed.

It's what you eat that counts

It’s been six weeks or so since the New Year, and I wonder what percentage of the population have given up their ridiculous diets. Last year, I fell into this category. Except my diet plan was a “non-diet” and despite being unable to stick it to it faithfully, those 6 weeks or so I did stay true to my non-diet left me with some lasting impressions… and, incredibly, results.

I’m not the first person to say it, nor am I even the most recent person to say it, but I can tell you it works: it has to do with the foods you eat, not how little or what time of day, etc. So, which are the good foods? It can be difficult to discern what is true with trends, fads, and quack crash diet gurus telling you which foods to eat for your skin, your hair, your waist, ad infinitum, ad nauseum. I can only tell you what worked for me.

My diet changed when I started tuning into what made me feel good after eating it (sautéed spinach, fresh apples), and admitting to what made feel bad/greasy/nauseous after eating it (McDonald’s, Sun Chips), and also being open to some new foods.

Here are some of the best foods you can eat: sweet potatoes, fat-free/skim milk and yogurt, broccoli, wild salmon, brown rice, citrus fruit, squash and gourds, spinach, tomatoes, beans, whole oats, green tea, dark berries, kale, and – double-plus bonus! – dark chocolate.

Now, does this mean you can grab a Dark Snickers and a bean burrito and feel some great health benefits? Puh-lease. It means reworking your diet to include these foods on a regular basis. I ditched my Whataburger breakfast for a packet of Quaker Multigrain Hot Cereal. I carry my Lean Cuisine meals faithfully to work everyday for lunch. In between, I lightly snack on cranberries, unsalted nuts, yogurt, apples, and the occasional SlimFast faux candy bar. Eating six or seven mini-meals a day is actually better for you than three larger ones – or in my case, the one huge one I was eating at the end of the day.

My dinners now are surprisingly filling – and tasty. I mix it up a bit, but my I’m-too-tired-to-cook standby is low-sodium butternut squash or roasted red pepper and tomato soup, a multigrain or whole-wheat roll, and steamed spinach with cracked pepper – yum! I say that not just because I’ve actually come to enjoy the taste of these things, but because I don’t feel weighed down after eating them. I actually feel better, energized, and satisfied. Before I hit the hay, I reward myself with a cranberry oatmeal cookie or a square of dark chocolate. That’s enough to satisfy the desire for a sweet little something for me.

Am I telling you to follow my diet? Absolutely not. That’s the problem with prefabricated diet plans in my book; they leave no room for the individual. I’ve found what works for me. Sometimes my love for hamburgers rears its ugly head and my black bean burger on whole wheat bun just ain’t gonna cut it. I don’t beat myself up, but I also don’t ignore the way my body feels afterward. That’s what keeps me coming back to my “superfoods” – they make me feel good.

I’ve had fun trying new foods and recipes in my new way of eating. I’ve discovering that I love squash and pumpkin and that it doesn’t have to taste either bland or like pumpkin pie. I’ve found out that steaming fresh veggies is as easy as tossing them in a partially-closed Ziploc with a tablespoon of water in the microwave for a minute, give or take. I’ve learned that I’m more energized at work post-lunch if I have some salmon in my lunch. And I’ve learned that meals can be whatever my body needs – even if it is a peanut butter and mixed berry smoothie with a whole-grain bagel and low-fat cream cheese.

Running on fumes

I have a tendency, like most young paycheck-to-paycheck earners, to let my gas tank get so low, I am convinced it is running merely on gas fumes when I pull into the station. I am running on fumes, vapors, slight wisps of flagging energy as my personal orange light glows insistently.

I don't understand. I've never felt so energized by my personal and professional life. Why at this point am I more tired, nay, more exhausted than I have ever been? I am exercising regularly, getting great cardio and mixing in an occasional yoga class. I am eating healthy, timing my fruit, veggie, protein and carb intake to the best times of day. I am taking a daily multivitamin. I leave my work stress at the office. I go to bed before midnight. What the heck is going on?

I have begun to notice, too, that my physical exhaustion creeps into my emotional life. Both yesterday and today I have felt close to tears on more than one occasion, even making a dash for the office bathroom to choke back some emotion and pump myself back up. And all these healthy habits I mentioned above, there's a part of me that wants to say, "Screw it, I'm still exhausted. Let's skip the run and go have a burger and a strawberry shake." But I don't, because I know I'd still feel exhausted – plus lazy and bloated to boot.

I can't help but feel like at some point I'm going to breakdown if I don't stop to refuel. I think the real problem is that I haven't felt a moment of relaxation in the past three weeks. Even my sleep serves a purpose; it's a necessity, something that needs to get done on the checklist so I can carry on with the rest of the list.

But how do you refuel?

Not just what do you do, but how do you stop your brain and recharge?

Tell us: What restores your energy and brings you renewed vitality to face your day-to-day challenges and big goals?