On Traveling Well

I am an ambitious person. At certain points in my life, even certain points in my day, I would say it is my defining characteristic. Ambition is a delicate dance, at least for me. I have a lot of things I want to accomplish and I tend to charge at them full-speed, burning the candle at both ends. This is how I love to live.

This is my life:

• Monday through Friday I work at my main job as a market research analyst from 8-5pm. 
  
• Saturday and Sunday I work a part-time job as a baker from 8-3pm.
• I jog for half-an-hour four times a week.
• I try to post three or four times a week on this blog on weeknights when I get home from my jog.
  
• On Wednesday I meet with my entrepreneurship group from 5:30-7pm.
  
• I’m about to begin IT freelance work one or two nights a week.
  
• I actually attempt to date and have a social life somewhere in this.

So, now you might imagine a frazzled, gnarly-looking woman running around trying to get all this stuff done. OK, yes, sometimes I am her. But most of the time I’m not. Time management is not my problem. Being present in my life is my problem.

Being so goal-driven and ambitious can turn even the most balanced person into someone who lives in and for the future. This is exactly the kind of person I don’t want to be. It might sound trite but living in the moment really is about taking the time to notice the little things around you.

For example, I make a point to jog in what must be the most gorgeous and inspiring scenic area in my town. Every time I hit a certain hill and look over the cliffs down to the ocean, I smile and realize how great it is to be exactly where I am right then - that the weather is nice, that the ocean smells salty, that I have the ability to run, that I have the life I always wanted but never went after. That’s being present.

I am not always present in my life. Sometimes I hit that same hill and I’m calculating how much more that raise got me per month and whether it would be better to put it toward my car payment, credit card payment or into savings. I try to calculate the percentages. I think about what I have to do when I get home. I am not being at that moment; I am a “being-for-the-future.”

At the end of the days when I don’t live in the moment, I realize that no one point in the day sticks out to me. I know somehow that I won’t remember this day in a few years, or even a few weeks or days. It was just another day in a series of days in this period of my life. I don’t like that feeling. I don’t want to waste my days.

It may seem morose, but I try to keep myself in touch with my mortality. I try to be the best version of myself in my everyday interactions with others, toward myself, in my personal and professional relationships. I fall short most days. Most days I don’t want to remember that today is all I have.

Make plans for the future. Work your ass off to get to your goals, but enjoy the process. Be present in your life. Blow off studying for a great conversation with a friend. That conversation may be the one that gets you where you need to be. I believe that the little things in life are what create the biggest changes, like the butterfly flapping its wings causes a tidal wave halfway around the world.

Buddha said, “It is better to travel well than it is to arrive.” I don’t want to get to where I plan to be in 10 years and say, “OK, now my life can begin.” All you have is today. Decide what kind of person you want to be in the world and be that person just for today. 

Who do you want to be today?