The immeasurable hidden cost of high gas prices

I hadn’t written a blog post in a few days, almost a week actually. I was fresh out of ideas and inspiration. Granted, I had blogged for a good four or five days in a row, but still. Sitting at my desk at work, my eyes had glazed over in computer screen hypnosis. I skipped lunch and needed to get out, empty gas tank be damned.

As I drove, they started coming to me – ideas for blog posts. By the time I got to the café, I’d thought of and developed four solid articles in my head. I realized as I grabbed my coffee and settled at a table that I’d been completely lost the entire drive over. It came together – I hadn’t been driving as much as I normally do because gas prices were (are) ridiculously high. I stayed at Date #4’s place all week, which is 5 minutes from work as opposed to the 25 minutes it takes from my place. Sure, I saved a bundle on gas, but at what cost?

In my life, I don’t get a lot of alone time. Nothing compared to people with kids, but in comparison to being single, alone time is scarce these days. As I was telling Date #4 just yesterday, there are some things I’ll only do when I’m bored. Mainly, cleaning and tidying up in general, but I would lump “getting blog ideas” in there as well.

The high cost of gas has me thinking about a scene in “Singles” (one of my all-time favorite movies… I still heart you, Cameron Crowe, even though you made “Elizabethtown”). The main character is telling his love interest about a light rail transit project he’s proposing to his city. As he’s explaining all of the benefits, she says, “Yeah, but I love my car.” 

Perhaps we love our cars because it’s the one place where we don’t have to deal with people. Or maybe it's because it can become our one-man karaoke machine. Or perhaps it’s just the place were we get our best ideas.

Either way, our dependence on oil might make the long car trip a thing of the past. Instead of thoughtfully losing ourselves in the highway, we’re watching our odometers and our gas gauges, calculating times between stop lights on our daily routes so that we don’t have to brake or come to a full stop (hey, it saves gas).

I’m not saying we shouldn’t save on gas, I’m just saying that unless we get some sort of alternative fuel, our old ways will die. And with them goes an untold number of little streams of creativity and peace.

Photo from Flickr Creative Commons user freeparking.

Hold me... accountable, that is

In an earlier post, I announced that I would begin a new accountability regime: posting my goals and my progress toward them to this blog once a month. Several of you, both readers and fellow bloggers, expressed interest in doing the same. I'm inviting everyone to participate who would like to post something similar on their blogs. Email me your blog entries and I'll post them links to them here as well.

Without any further ado, I give you my first Hold Me Accountable post.

Physical
This is probably the area where I've lost the most steam as of late. It is also the one that I would like to get back on track with the most. When I treat my body well, it treats me well. Everything else runs so much more smoothly in my life when I feel good physically. There are three components to my physical goals: exercise, diet and overall health.

Exercise
I took up running in late December last year. I put running down around the beginning of May. I had been training for a relay marathon and once it was over, so was the training. I need a goal in order to stay motivated in my running, even though I love it. I know I'm going to feel good after a run (phenomenal, actually), but the motivation I need is when I really don't feel like waking up early and lacing up my shoes. So, I'm going to sign up for a half-marathon. I'm confident I can do it if I start training now. I'll do short runs on Mondays, hard runs on Wednesdays, cross-train on Saturdays and long runs on Sundays.
Goals: Sign up for half-marathon in October; beginning training schedule.

Diet
I don't mean diet in the sense that I'm trying to lose weight. I'm not. I simply want to give my body good fuel, not crap. The main threat to my diet is the vending machines at work. If I forget (or am too lazy) to make my lunch, I'm known to eat a lunch of chips and soda. Blech. I've already begun to make dinner at night and bring leftovers to work. Note: This helps financial goals as well - double-plus bonus! I'm also really bad about keeping my refrigerator at home stocked. When it's full, not only do I eat better and save money on eating out, but it gives me an odd sense of fulfillment. Hmm.
Goals: Cut out soda, vending machine snacks; bring healthy lunches and snacks to work; keep home fridge stocked.

Health
You've heard me complain about my sinus infections ad nauseum, I know. I bought a neti pot (for nasal irrigation) because I heard from many, many sources that it works wonders. I've been too chicken to try it, even though I feel confident it will help. I've been battling some serious fatigue, probably due to sinus infections and not exercising, which is added incentive for the workout routine. Finally, it's been about 3 years (!) since I've been to the dentist. Yikes.
Goals: Use neti pot three times a week for one month; see dentist.

Relationships
My biggest issue with my relationships right now is that I'm spending an awful lot of time with a certain someone instead of spending some time with myself, my friends and my family. This was fine and well in the budding stages of the relationship, but now that things have settled down a bit I desperately need to hook back up with my friends and fam.
Goals: Hang out with my three best friends for some serious QT at least once this month; visit my aunt and my grandmother.

Career
For now, thing seem to be going really well with my 8-5 job. I'm relatively focused and my recent annual performance evaluation was stellar (including a raise!). Guess where nothing is happening? That's right - my business. uSavvy, my IT consultancy, has one client, no actual tax ID number, nothing, plus a website that's just sitting there, all designed and hosted and not actually up. Include my blog in here, and I haven't been posting as regularly as I would like, which is about 3-4 times per week.
Goals: Obtain tax ID number and sole proprietor status; open bank account; finish site buildout and get online; buy business cards; write business plan; blog 3-4 times per week.

Financial
I have two areas I'm currently working on financially. I've got terrible credit (hey, I drank heavily during those pivotal post-college years), and practically no savings... OK, no savings if you aren't counting that $50 in my ING Orange savings account. I started the ball rolling on this one yesterday though. My pay increase will show up in my next paycheck and instead of rejoicing at the extra money, I already set up an autodraft for the increase amount to pay down my credit card. I also have an autodraft set up for a student loan I am rehabilitating, as well as one for $50 per paycheck to my savings account. Once the credit card is paid down, I will up my savings autodraft to include the amount from the pay increase. The problem with my savings account is that I almost always tap into it. I'm a little more solid financially right now, so my goal is not to do that.
Goals: Pay off credit card in 2.5 months; continue savings without touching it.

Spirituality
I don't talk about my spirituality very much on this blog, even though it's a big part of my life. The truth is that I've been a little disappointed in my spirituality lately... or my lack thereof. I'm not a churchgoer, that's just not for me. However, I do pray and meditate. I include my sobriety as part of this picture because the way I stay sober is to work a spiritual program. I go to three or four 12-step meetings every week, but I'd like to start branching out a little more into more groups besides my home group, particularly to this one young people's group. I'd also like to try to meditate in the mornings, even if it's just for a short time period.
Goals: Attend one non-home group 12-step meeting per week; meditate twice a week.

General
Finally, this part relates to my overall life goals, mood and emotions. I'd say lately I've been in a funk. Definitely in a funk. It's not enough for me to focus on my short-term goals, so I need to keep my long-term goals on the burners, too. I really would like to move to a larger city. I would like to either advance to the next level of my career in research or I would like to take my business full-time. I would like to be a less selfish person on a day-to-day basis. The other day I realized at the end of the day that I was the only person I had thought about all day. That sucks. And I'm guessing that it probably also makes me a pretty obnoxious person to deal with.
Goals: Mostly just to keep my larger life goals top-of-mind; try to think of other people and how I affect them throughout my day.

I will keep you all up-to-date with my progress on a monthly basis, at the very least. I hope that some of you will jump in and participate. It would be really great to have a community of people who are all holding each other accountable, encouraging one another and learning what works and what doesn't in real time, wouldn't it?

Related articles:
Got goals? Hold yourself accountable
How baby steps became a huge deal
Stand up and be accounted
How I change my habits

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Got goals? Hold yourself accountable

I’m having a little accountability issue. As in, I have none. I have a lot of goals, not just in my career, but also in my personal life, my finances and my health. As I’ve struggled to regain my footing after falling in love, I’ve come to find my real issue is now that I simply lack the motivation to accomplish on a day-to-day basis, and that daily action is critical to the fulfillment of larger goals.

I know one thing to be true when it comes to setting goals and achieving them: the most surefire method is to chip away at it one step at a time. Daily action is necessary. If you want to train to run a marathon, you’ve got to actually put your shoes on and go for a run. If you want to pay off your credit cards, you cannot charge anything to them today. I prefer to live one day at a time this way. When I start to use the word “tomorrow,” I get myself into a world of trouble. I won’t accomplish much with “I’ll run tomorrow” or “I’ll stop using my credit card tomorrow.” This method of goal procrastination will leave you stranded. You just need to start.

Enter accountability. Now that you’ve decided to go through with the daily action method you could use a little reinforcement. I used to get this through Guy I Was Seeing. Though we’re still friends, I don’t get to talk to him as much as I used to. Read more about what an accountability partner can do for you here.

What happens if you can’t find an accountability partner or group? Or if you’re the only one who ever does anything in said partnership/group? I’m not sure, but I’m taking a stab with my blog. Yep, you guys are now my accountability partners. I find it hard to make excuses to you all… mostly because my lame excuses look really bad in print. That, and I’ve sworn to be as honest and as transparent as possible.

I know I won’t meet all of my goals 100 percent of the time, but the nice thing about accountability partners is not the negative pressure – it’s the positive pressure. It’s reassuring to think you guys know what my goals are, what I’m doing to get there, and that you get to see the results when I do what I say and when I don’t. It might be corny and a little arrogant, but for some reason I have the feeling that you guys have my back.

All mushiness aside, my monthly accountability posts will basically have a “where I’m at” theme. I’ll review my goals, what I’ve done, what I haven’t done and what I plan to do. The areas in which I will be accountable are broad: physical (exercise, health, diet), relationships (family, significant other, friends), career (job, entrepreneurship), financial (credit, savings), spirituality (meditation, sobriety), general (emotion, mood, life goals).

I realize that not everyone wants to read about me, me, me, but my hope is that my transparency in these things will allow people to see what really works… and what really doesn’t. I’ll be posting the first one tomorrow.

How do you stay accountable? How do you reach your goals, little and big?

Your personal style matters... now give it some thought

I’m not happy with my personal style lately. It’s sort of been ongoing since I got sober and lost some weight… and you know, stopped spending all my money on booze. I’ve told myself that part of the problem is that I don’t have a lot of money to spend on new clothes, but I think there’s a little more to it than that. I would say the real problem is that I don’t give it much thought until I’m actually in a store, ready to buy some item that I need. Seeing as I give almost everything in my life too much thought, I thought that was a little ironic.

Whether we like it or not, we’re judged at a moment’s glance by our outward image. And as much as the BF hems and haws about appearances not mattering, he plays by the rules and wears a suit to the office every day, even Fridays. In our careers, in dating, we’re judged first by our appearance and our clothing does a lot of the talking. (I wasn’t sure if I was attracted to Date #4 when we met – he was wearing a suit and I always say that it blocked any read I was trying to get from him.)

I’ve been watching the preliminary back-to-school ads roll in, and it amazes me how much time and thought middle and high school kids put into their clothing choices. Their clothes (in their minds) say so much about them – what group they belong to, what kind of music they listen to, what their socioeconomic status is, how in tune they are with trends, which causes they support (if any). Why this is, is an entirely different subject that I don’t wish to touch on here. What it did, though, was prompt me to look at my style choices and think about what they said about me.

That’s when I realized that my style choices weren’t really so much choices as they were lazy acquiesces. I live in a town with few clothing options, but I’m not sure I would be much better off anywhere else.

I love:
Blazers
3/4-sleeve jackets
Cardigans
Dark jeans
Vintage-y blouses
‘40s inspired dresses, shoes, hair… well, anything really
Splashes of bright color
Scarves
Preppy-style flats
Colorful, vintage heels
Long dresses

How much of this do I own? Er… none. I do have a few cardigans, but they’re pretty much a necessity in my 60-degree office. Oh, and I own about 7 pairs of dark jeans, but all in the same style and cut from the same store. Even I know that’s wrong.

Looking at this list, I can see that this is actually how I used to dress in high school. My mom hated taking me shopping – I never saw anything I liked unless we were at a Goodwill. Luckily, times have changed and Anthropologie picked up what I was throwing down. Anyhow, I did think that it said something about me. Like today’s teenagers, I was keenly aware of the message I was trying to send. I was eclectic, creative, a little hip, a little bohemian, a non-conformist, an intellectual.

How many of us can say we put that much thought into our wardrobe post-high school or college? I grab whatever Express is offering that month in the way of office-appropriate attire within my budget and that’s about it. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a personal style again?

It’s not just about sending an arbitrary message about who I think I am. After all, if you’re worthwhile and think I’m worthwhile, we’ll get to know each other and you’ll figure out who I am. When my outer self matches my inner self, who it is that I am, I’m a lot happier. Plain and simple, if I actually enjoy the clothes I’m wearing, then I’m a lot happier overall. I also feel a lot more at home in social situations. I feel more comfortable projecting who I am when I’m not tugging on uncomfortable clothes that don’t fit right. And, of course, I wouldn’t mind standing out from the crowd a little.

In an age when personal branding seems to be all the rage, why are we sticking ourselves in the same suits and brands as everyone else? Why aren’t we spending more time thinking about how our “look” corresponds to our personal brand, our goals, and where we want to go?

Some questions to ask yourself about your personal style:
• How would I like people to see me? Use descriptive adjectives: polished, bohemian, put-together, artsy, sleek, glamorous, etc.
• How would I describe myself in a few words? Are you a corporate go-getter, an intellectual, a tech geek, a trendsetter, outdoorsy, creative?
• What styles do I identify with? What words describe them? Do those words describe me?
• What are some items I really like? Do I currently have them in my collection?
• How do my clothing choices affect me on a daily basis? Am I happier when I wear certain colors? Certain styles?

Me, personally, I’m going to start holding out for items that fit with my now clearly defined personal style. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to rethink those 7 pairs of jeans…

All images from Anthropologie.com.

You're Not the Brand I Thought You Were, Starbucks

There’s something that rubs me wrong about what Starbucks is doing lately. It’s not just the elimination of stores; it’s the constant promotions, the discounts, the free samples, the waffling between light roast and dark. Every time I see a new article on Starbucks pop up in my reader, I cringe inside.

Starbucks has become the desperate guy. The desperate guy caught up in the clingy downward spiral.

I’m sorry, Starbucks, I’m simply not attracted to you anymore.

You see, there are guys who simply have no game. They tell you they’re in love with you on your third date, they text message you constantly, and they become even more insistent when you don’t want to spend so much time with them.

This is where Starbucks has gone. Their marketing department could learn a few things from studying a little pick-up.

First, they made themselves too available. This is Dating 101, and perhaps it ought to be Marketing 101. With a Starbucks on every corner, the customer entered the OMG-I’m-so-in-love-with-you phase of spending all their time (and money) at their favorite addictive flavor-spot. And just like any extreme beginning of a relationship, the customer realized that they were spending too much time (and money) with Starbucks.

We just need some space, Starbucks. It’s not that I need to see other coffeehouses; I just need some time (and money) to myself… you know, to sort some things out.

What does Starbucks do? Promises you the world if you’ll come back, if you’ll be with me the way you used to be with me. Here – take some free frappucinos. I’ll give you Wi-Fi. I can change – see? A new roast! Please don’t leave me.

Ugh. Starbucks, you’re scaring me.

Suddenly, Starbucks is everywhere. On my TV, where it never was before. In my magazines. In my blogosphere. I’m surprised you aren’t following me on Twitter or MySpace to see who else I’m drinking… oh wait. You are.

I’m sorry, but you’re just not who I thought you were. You used to be so cool. You were there when I wanted you, but now you’re on every other interstate exit. You were above all that PR crap other brands get involved in. You had social status. A cup with logo clutched in my hand used to mean something before I saw every other person with one.

Take a tip from the dating world: Don’t make yourself so damned available. Have some confidence in your brand and stop trying to do whatever you think will please me.

That’s what made you so hot before – Podunk towns only had one or two locations and we would drive across the city to spend time (and money) with you. Now you’re up my ass. That is so not hot.

Finding Your Primary Aim Becomes Critical When Taking On a Partner

When I first decided that I wanted to have my own company, someone recommended that I pick up a copy of “E-Myth Revisited” by Michael Gerber. That book has had an indelible impact on my life and the way I approach my business.

Last month I asked a colleague who I have collaborated with often if he would like to come on board my little company as a partner. The decision to start a business was a big one for me, and I’m very passionate about it. I know that sacrifices will have to be made, relationships may become strained, and free time might become non-existent. These are all things I am willing to take on for my business.

So when approaching my potential partner, I needed for both of us to be sure that this would be a good fit. He understands the role he would be taking on, and the responsibilities that go along with it. The thing that most people don’t realize is that this is like a marriage. You have to make sure that you’re compatible and that you want the same things for your future.

I turned to “E-Myth” for help. Gerber emphasizes the need for all business owners to first clarify what their primary aim is. Part of the reason so many people start their own businesses is so that they can live the life they want. It’s important to sit down and intentionally design the life you want to lead. Once your purpose and mission is clear, then you can start to build a company that will help you accomplish that life.

These are the questions Gerber says you need to answer:

1. What do I wish my life to look like?
2. How do I wish my life to be on a day-to-day basis?
3. What would I like to be able to say I truly know in my life, about my life?
4. How would I like to be with other people in my life – my family, my friends, my business associates, my customers, my employees, my community?
5. How would I like people to think about me?
6. What would I like to be doing two years from now? Ten years from now? Twenty years from now? When my life comes to a close?
7. What specifically would I like to learn during my life – spiritually, physically, financially, technically, intellectually? About relationships?
8. How much money will I need to do the things I wish to do? By when will I need it?

I have already answered the questions, and now my potential partner is working on them. When he finishes, we’ll share our answers with each other. Based on that, we’ll be able to see what each other want for the future, and whether or not this company will be a vehicle for both of us to those lives.

By the way, I recommend these questions to anyone searching for purpose in his or her life or for clarification thereof, whether starting a business or not.

Why I might be OK with having children

If you haven’t read my previous post about my issues with mamahood, then go for it so you can get an idea of how serious I’ve been about not wanting kids. My sentiments are also echoed here and here [hat tip: Penelope Trunk; TwentySet]. Now, bear in my mind that the decision I’m scrutinizing is my own, and not the decision of whether or not to have kids in the empirical sense.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about this lately, primarily because (of course) it is an issue in my fledgling relationship. Granted, we’ve both agreed that it’s not an immediate issue, but he would like to have at least one child with whomever he marries. It’s no secret that I’m crazy about the man, but I’m not willing to agree to children just because that’s what he wants.

We have had a lot of conversations about it though, and it's got me thinking about it on my own. As I began to examine my issues with having kids, talking about it openly and honestly with friends of differing ages, marital and child status, and watching people with kids more closely, I started to realize how close-minded I’ve been.

I began to realize that my problem is not with actually having kids, but that they become an end in themselves and not a side effect of living the life I’d like.

A few things happened leading up to this realization. One, I’ve been talking with a mentor of mine who is 50 and has the coolest relationship with her daughter I’ve ever seen. I have no qualms being totally open and honest with her, even with the ugliest parts of myself. She pointblank told me one afternoon that I was being close-minded when it came to my thinking regarding family life. I realized that I was assigning arbitrary labels to people and making assumptions about their lives based upon that. Married, divorced, middle-aged, overweight, with or without kids, single, thin, etc. Does the label make the experience of the life?

Somewhere around that same time I was leaving Date #4’s house, and an early-thirties-ish couple walked by with a stroller and a grandparent in tow. They were just taking a Fourth of July stroll after a fresh rain, chatting and such. “That’s probably the best thing that could ever happen to me,” was the unwelcome thought that popped into my head. Whoa. Where’d that come from?

On my drive home, I rolled it around in my head and realized the truth of it. I’ve seen a lot of families that are happy, in which the parents continue to live dreams independent of their children. While their families greatly enhance their happiness, their kids are supplemental to the happiness that they already experience in life. They are not, and never did, expect children to be the main source of their happiness in life. They are simply one of the aspects of their life that they derive joy out of.

I have been watching a few families in my life since I began to seriously evaluate this issue. One is a young couple who have probably the cutest baby girl I’ve ever seen. I’ve said before that if I could insure that a child of mine would come out that cute, happy and well-mannered, I’d have kids without a doubt. The thing is that I watch the parents, too. They’re happy, and appear to be very much in love. I’m not close to them, and so they may have more problems than I’m aware, but they seem like fairly transparent people. I see them together, separate, and with their families. I won’t lie – there is a part of me that craves a normal family life because of the dysfunctional part of mine. They are always friendly and seem to possess a sense of peace about their lives.

I also watch my older female mentor and her family closely. She’s been a single mom for a long time, and her daughter is a well-adjusted, intelligent young woman. She has self-confidence at 13 that I still wish I had. The openness and frankness with which they deal with the little and big things in their lives is truly inspiring to me. It gives me goose bumps. That family probably has the most irreverent sense of humor I’ve been privy to and they have a lot of fun in their lives. It’s clear that they simply enjoy the ride.

Finally, I watch the families that make me not want kids. In doing so, I’ve come to realize that the thing that bothers me is not that they have children, but what their intentions or preconceived notions were in doing so. They all have a few things in common for the most part. One is that they had their children too young and/or too soon into a relationship/marriage. I’ve watched people have kids and treat them as accessories, and I’ve seen people have kids because they wanted something to love. They were trying to fill a hole that remains unfilled. And now they have kids to take care of when they didn’t know how to take care of themselves in the first place. (Side note: I was in the ER with my grandmother last night and a 17-year-old came in with impacted bowels, i.e. constipation. Her second birth and she didn’t realize that she should’ve been drinking lots of water, eating fiber, and probably shouldn’t have waited a week to tell the doctors she hadn’t had a bowel movement. If you can’t take care of yourself, how will you raise a child?)

I guess my point is that as Gen-Y women we’ve been told that “having it all” is a myth. That makes me feel like I have to choose between my career and having a child. It’s saying that I won’t be able to do both. While I know that to some extent one suffers at the hands of the other, I’ve been watching this young couple juggle a baby and a new business successfully. By successful, I mean that the baby is clearly happy and well cared for, the business is doing very well, and they both seem extremely happy and still in love, though at times admittedly tired.

It gives me hope. Perhaps I can live life happily without any sacrifices.

On codependency and discovering the obvious

I’ve come a long way in the past 15 months. I’ve survived the fledgling first year of sobriety, lost two dear people, been named employee of the month, and started a company that is finally catching it’s first big break. And yet, when it comes to my first honest-to-god mature relationship, my bright demeanor fades.

Before last year, I was a serial monogamist, jumping from one long-term relationship to another before the sheets could get cold. I knew that was a bad pattern, and when I got sober it was suggested to me that I not start any new relationships for a year. I’m a fast healer, and so, headstrong, decided I was well enough for a new relationship after six short weeks. You can imagine how well that turned out. After that I took that suggestion more seriously and faced my fear of being alone. And I embraced it.

I realized in those months of singlehood that without a significant other, I could be myself in a way I had never been able to be. Which was really important when you consider that I’d never really known myself in those formative post-adolescent years of drinking. When GIWS and I decided to be friends, it was a bit of a relief. I knew that I wasn’t ready to be in a LTR. I’m still not convinced that a year was long enough to become a fully formed, healthy person.

That said, when I met Date #4 I knew I’d found something I couldn’t pass up. After all, I’d have to get back out there sometimes. And besides, I felt phenomenal. I’d never been so sure of who I was in my whole life. Everything was organized just so, and I was steaming along. I penciled in dinners, coffees, and movie dates between appointments with clients and races. That kind of pace can be difficult to maintain, and somewhere between falling head over heels and two sinus attacks, I lost the balance.

I lost Holly.

OK, maybe I hadn’t lost myself completely. Maybe I’ve just been arrested by the fear that I will lose myself. I feel like a still-wet painting on the blank canvas that life-changing experience gave me. I’m afraid I’ll be smudged, or worse – that I’ll paint over it to match what I think that man wants.

Why is it that I can be so strong in every other aspect of my life, but turn into a jellyfish when it comes to men? What is it about being in a relationship that makes me fear the end of it? Because really, the core issue here is a fear that the person will leave me, finding whomever it is that I really am unacceptable.

And it hits me. Smacks me between the eyes. Every relationship that I have conducted in this manner has been codependent. And there’s the answer to the question I’ve been struggling with all week. I have a major fear of codependency. I watched my very sweet, but very alcoholic, father and my mother remain in a codependent relationship for 20 years. I listened to my mom cry after my father’s binges and say that she couldn’t leave him because she loved him and needed him. Needed him.

All of this hemming and hawing and distancing myself this week, wondering what it was that made me so willing to become whomever someone else wanted me to be if it meant that they would stay with me – I was struggling with my own codependency issues.

The irony is that anyone could’ve told you that I would have a problem with codependency. Lots of alcoholics do, so I feel a little foolish for feeling so “aha!” about it. Growing up publicly can be embarrassing, though effective.

So, what’s my solution? I simply need to remember that whether or not Date #4 and I stay together or not, that I’ll be OK. I don’t need him, and I have nothing to worry about – I loved being single. If the man weren’t such a damn fine catch, I would still be single (I had a lot of fun and it was a bit brief, in my opinion). The great thing is that I don’t need him – but for now, I want him. And he wants me. Should one or the other of us not want the other in the future, then that’s fine. I know that this relationship will make me a better person, whether it’s a brief experience or a lifetime. He has a lot to offer in the way of teaching me what a healthy relationship is; along with a few more things I’m sure.

You see? I’m already learning.

Gen Y isn’t unique; we’re just a bunch of bursty workers

Earlier this week I ran across an amazing presentation on knowledge workers and office 2.0 on SlideShare (which is an awesome site – it’s like YouTube for presentations). Check it out:

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“Finally,” I thought. “Someone has defined me!” I’ve been trying to figure out a subtle way to e-mail it to my boss ever since.

Here’s the thing: Stephen Collins (the presenter) talks about “bursty” versus “busy” workers. Bursty workers are what we often define ourselves as in the Gen Y set. We may not look like we’re doing work, but we are. We might be at a café, chatting with coworkers in other departments, on Twitter… all the while, we are collecting information in our minds. We’re generating ideas; we’re rolling them around in our heads, working out the kinks.

Take myself, for example: I prefer to design web pages and logos while I’m on the treadmill. I have no idea why; it’s just what works for me. What are the odds my boss is going to let me leave the office at 4 so I can go for a run, though? I can tell you that answer: slim to none.

Bursty workers are called such because they tend to have highly productive bursts in which the majority of their work gets accomplished. They don’t want to be at a desk very often. They can often do in 30 hours what a busy worker will accomplish in 40. They surf the Web, they don’t keep normal office hours, they place importance on connecting with other departments and companies outside of their own, and they don’t mind failure. As a matter of fact, they fail a lot.

Anne Zelenka wrote the quintessential busy vs. bursty worker article more than a year ago. She says it best: “The lack of understanding between busy and burst goes beyond just the inability of the busy to see the value in using Web 2.0 tools. In almost every aspect of work, bursters look entirely unproductive and irresponsible when judged by busyness economy rules.”

You see, my boss is a busy worker. I am a bursty worker. Busy workers very rarely understand the bursty workers. Or, they try to figure out how to fit them into their paradigm: “If they produce more in less time, shouldn’t they just be producing more?” Wrong question. Collins states on his site that you simply can’t discount the time spent in thought, working out the structures.

I started e-mailing with Stephen Collins after watching that presentation, and he pointed out to me that bursty workers are not just Gen-Yers. He’s a Gen-Xer himself, and (of course) a bursty worker. Anyone can be a bursty worker, whether they are Gen Y or Boomer. Knowledge workers (anyone who works for a living at the tasks of developing or using knowledge), however, are especially apt to be bursters.

If you look at the traits of a burster, you’ll probably see the standard frustrations over Gen Y “work ethic” that our busy counterparts are always hemming and hawing over. I posit that these are not Gen Y traits, but that they are simply bursty worker traits. Due to the way that Gen Y has been brought up, we skew toward the bursty side, while our parents, and certainly our parents’ parents, skewed busy because of their environment.

I’d also like to point out that it seems now more than ever, there are more knowledge worker careers available also. My dad was a carpenter, and my mom was a dental assistant. They had to be present at their jobs during specific hours in order to produce. I am a research analyst. I sit in front of a computer most of the day. It doesn’t really matter where my computer is and when I sit at it. As I said above, I actually “produce” on the treadmill.

A problem with Gen Y’s work ethic? It’s not Gen Y. And it’s not a problem.

Note: This article was written in my head while walking around talking to coworkers, surfing the Web, reading Twitter updates, and browsing my Google Reader.