I’ve had two successful open relationships, including the one I’m currently in (and have been in for 2 years now). It’s all about communication: what is okay, what is not, etc. Like, I’m fine with my guy sleeping with other female friends of his, but not okay with random hookups, and no matter who it is, they need to know about me and be clearly aware of the fact that it’s just sex, that he is dating me, not them. The same rules go for me, though I rarely ever see anyone else, because it’s difficult for me to get turned on by other men when I’m in love with someone.

So yes, it’s possible, but it’s definitely not for everyone. It’s becoming more popular now, and I’m beginning to see a lot of folks try it who really, really shouldn’t.

By the way, great blog!

One thing I’d give some thought to (though I suspect you already have): your true motivation in suggesting this experiment, and what outcome you truly expected it to have. I’d also give some thought to why you balked. Was it really because you didn’t want to sleep with anyone else? Or because you suddenly feared losing control in your relationship and wanted that ‘ownership’ back?

I can imagine myself going through a similar situation, and responding in a similar way. Thanks again for sharing.

I saw this post because it was linked from your “sex is a distraction” article, which was linked from one of the blogs I read regularly. Great post.

I’m not sure if sex itself is the distraction or it’s the yearning to be close (which leads to intimacy). But if you figure out how to lay low for sometime, please do share. It’s something a lot of us can learn from.

- a fellow Holly

I found your site via

http://lifeinthemiddlelane.wordpress.com/2008/12/01/finding-the-strength-to-live-transparently/

and love how open and brave you are.

thanks for writing!
helen

One of the many differences between a man and a woman is this, and this is wired in our genes:

* If a woman says something, she doesn’t necessarily mean it. Example, If a girlfriend is moving, we might say “Do you need help?”, while hoping that she’s say no, because we really rather be doing something else.

* If a man says something, he means it. Period.
Example, If a friend is moving, he might say, “Can I help you move?”, he means it completely and are not saying it just to be nice.

So, if a woman says something to a man, he thinks that she means it, because that’s how he operates.

And if a man says something to a woman – ie. I don’t want a committed relationship – she thinks that he doesn’t mean it, because that’s how she operates. She thinks she can change his mind and proceeds to sleep with him.

The other thing I’ve learned is that, when we have sex with someone, a hormone is released that binds us to that person. For a woman, the effects of this hormone lasts for 2 weeks. For a man, it lasts for 2 days. So, be careful who you sleep with.

You can read more about the hormone in the book “The Female Brain” – I’m reading it now and it’s super interesting.

Lastly, Holly dear, what have you learned from this experience? What are you grateful for? Focus on those and learn to surrender!

Love,
Tina

I think 6 months is too soon to open up a relationship, particularly in your situation. I’ve never done it, but from what I read it’s something that happens to married folks after they’ve been married for a few years at least and some sexual/emotional variety is needed.

He shouldn’t have fucked another chick that quickly, and certainly without feeling remorse. It was just too soon. My guess is he had been thinking about this beforehand and there was an emotional disconnect for him that allowed him to do it so fast. As cavalier as I am about sex and relationships, I couldn’t see myself sleeping with another chick while I was in an LTR until after the 2 year mark.

However Mr. Anonymous, no poetry this time?