Questioning the Quarter-Life Crisis
Hey, everyone. I know it's been a long time since I've posted. I'm getting over (yet another) sinus infection. I read an article on Brazen Careerist this morning about quarter-life crises and left a comment so lengthy, I figured it might as well be a blog entry.
I'm not sure I believe in "quarter life crises." I do think that (more than perhaps before) our generation is having a hard time with the transition to true adulthood. I know I thought I had arrived at adulthood when I was living with a long-time boyfriend in my own apartment with a great job at 23. I was wearing suits and holding conference calls and grocery shopping for two. I was playing "life," but I wasn't really doing it. I was still thinking and acting immaturely. I was 25 when my "crisis" began, a painful period of realization, deconstruction and transformation. It took a year, but I finally grew up. So, here's the comment I left:
"My own "quarter life crisis" happened right on time - 25. For me, it was spurred on by the realization that I was an alcoholic and needed help. Everything else changed, too, though. I was laid off, my boyfriend and I broke up, I moved out of our townhouse, and my car blew up... within a month.
Now that's extreme, but I've found with my friends also that these crises have a pattern: malaise/a feeling of inertia preceding a life-impacting event followed by a period of transformation. Having gone through that extreme example before most of my friends hit their crisis stage, I've sort of counseled a few of them through it.
Here's what I've found: We've had a prolonged adolescence. Despite paying my way through college and living on my own, I still have an "emergency card" that my mom pays. I used this for about a year when I ran out of money before my next pay period. For some reason, this life-changing event (whether it's getting sober or finally moving out of your parents' house or breaking up with your significant other) sparks a period of transformation. We begin to finally replace the ideas we questioned in college with ideas of our own. We start to make bold decisions on our own. We take proverbial leaps of faith in our lives. In short, we mature.
That's all a quarter-life crisis is - a painful period of maturation. I don't know about you, but nobody told me it would be so difficult. It's been like tearing down a house little by little until all your left with it the frame. Then there's a period of reconstruction. If you are painstaking in this period of your life, it will serve you well down the line.
My own "crisis" lasted about a year. I feel as if I'm just coming out of it. I learned so much, about life and about myself. My advice is not to just try to glean over it. Examine it, spend time on it. Tear down your house, imagine the perfect mature version of yourself and then do the actions. That's the hardest part - the mundane crap, like paying the bills on schedule, schlepping out of bed at 6 am to get to work on time, and skipping happy hour to go for a run. That's real life. That's what we have such a hard time adjusting to.
We're all just growing up. Finally."
I'm not sure I believe in "quarter life crises." I do think that (more than perhaps before) our generation is having a hard time with the transition to true adulthood. I know I thought I had arrived at adulthood when I was living with a long-time boyfriend in my own apartment with a great job at 23. I was wearing suits and holding conference calls and grocery shopping for two. I was playing "life," but I wasn't really doing it. I was still thinking and acting immaturely. I was 25 when my "crisis" began, a painful period of realization, deconstruction and transformation. It took a year, but I finally grew up. So, here's the comment I left:
"My own "quarter life crisis" happened right on time - 25. For me, it was spurred on by the realization that I was an alcoholic and needed help. Everything else changed, too, though. I was laid off, my boyfriend and I broke up, I moved out of our townhouse, and my car blew up... within a month.
Now that's extreme, but I've found with my friends also that these crises have a pattern: malaise/a feeling of inertia preceding a life-impacting event followed by a period of transformation. Having gone through that extreme example before most of my friends hit their crisis stage, I've sort of counseled a few of them through it.
Here's what I've found: We've had a prolonged adolescence. Despite paying my way through college and living on my own, I still have an "emergency card" that my mom pays. I used this for about a year when I ran out of money before my next pay period. For some reason, this life-changing event (whether it's getting sober or finally moving out of your parents' house or breaking up with your significant other) sparks a period of transformation. We begin to finally replace the ideas we questioned in college with ideas of our own. We start to make bold decisions on our own. We take proverbial leaps of faith in our lives. In short, we mature.
That's all a quarter-life crisis is - a painful period of maturation. I don't know about you, but nobody told me it would be so difficult. It's been like tearing down a house little by little until all your left with it the frame. Then there's a period of reconstruction. If you are painstaking in this period of your life, it will serve you well down the line.
My own "crisis" lasted about a year. I feel as if I'm just coming out of it. I learned so much, about life and about myself. My advice is not to just try to glean over it. Examine it, spend time on it. Tear down your house, imagine the perfect mature version of yourself and then do the actions. That's the hardest part - the mundane crap, like paying the bills on schedule, schlepping out of bed at 6 am to get to work on time, and skipping happy hour to go for a run. That's real life. That's what we have such a hard time adjusting to.
We're all just growing up. Finally."
posted by Holly Hoffman at
9:04 AM
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4 Comments:
Wow. I haven't had a quarter-life crisis, but then I've been in school and not working full time, living off student loans to bail me out at the beginning of every semester, so maybe that's comparable.
That said, my mom was terminally ill so by the time I was in high school I did all the cooking, cleaning, and bill pay for a family of 4. When I went to college, all my friends were like, "I have to take care of myself?!" and I was like, "I only have to take care of MYSELF!!!!!"
I did move across the country when I was 23 by myself, so that was a pretty big transition. Now I'm shopping for a "real" job, which is another. Egads...I just woke up from an anxiety dream about tomorrow's impending job interview.
Here's my favorite quote about what you refer to as "the mundane crap":
"Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." Anton Chekhov
Also, I'm always glad to see people mention their alcoholism/recovery in a way that reduces stigma--thanks for that.
Your blog sounds like the perfect definition of a crisis. Here is Wikipedia's definition:
A crisis (plural: crises) may occur on a personal or societal level. It may be a traumatic or stressful change in a person's life, or an unstable and dangerous social situation, in political, social, economic, military affairs, or a large-scale environmental event, especially one involving an impending abrupt change. More loosely, it is a term meaning 'a testing time' or 'emergency event'.
I guess you don't want to acknowledge this period in someone's life as being so traumatic that it deserves the title of Crisis. My question is then, what is your definition of a crisis?
Hey Holly,
Ever consider sinus surgery or allergy shots?
I've had both in the last year because I was getting 4 sinus infections a year and it was driving me crazy!!!
I could breath like never before after the surgery.
Doing the shots now.
GOod luck with your 1/4 life crisis- I think I'm entering mine now. Or maybe the whole country is with this economy LOL.
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